I Don't Like Halloween; Sue Me

Growing up in the Middle East (Bam! Got you there!), Halloween was something I only saw in movies.

Well, I stand corrected. These days, people celebrate it all over the world. But when I was a kid or even a teenager, if you dressed up as a cartoon character and went outside, people would think you were crazy! That’s if you could even get past your mom or dad, who’d think you were acting like a lunatic. And I firmly believe enjoying Halloween is something you have to develop as a kid. You need to have a bit of that goofiness ingrained in you to be able to pull it off. Then, as you grow up, you can up your game with more daring costumes and start to enjoy it in new ways.

But if you’re a woman in your mid-thirties, coming to a new country with so much to learn, and you’re tasked with dressing up for Halloween? Sorry, but no, thank you! That was my first reaction in my first year here. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at costumes; I found the whole idea too absurd and uncomfortable. Do I need to emphasize that less than a year before my first Halloween in Canada, I wasn’t even allowed to show my hair outside, even at family parties? And now I was supposed to dress up as a slutty nurse? Sure, I know I didn’t have to choose that costume, and maybe nobody should—but you get what I’m saying. There were a lot of insecurities in play.

So, I went to work that day as I usually would. My colleagues had taken the whole thing seriously: my manager was dressed up as a deer, full makeup, nose and all, and my teammate was Superman! It was astonishing to see how comfortable they all were with this.

Then Superman came up to me with cat ears and encouraged me to put them on. I reluctantly agreed, and my very first Halloween costume was born. I won’t lie; I had fun that day.

The next Halloween, COVID hit, so we got away with just putting on silly hats or spooky Zoom backgrounds. To be honest, I felt a little relieved. It might seem odd, but some of the things we didn’t have to do anymore during COVID actually gave me comfort. Isolation wasn’t all bad.

Over the years, I became more comfortable with the idea of Halloween and started looking for low-key costumes on Amazon, trying to find some joy in it. Since then, I’ve worn a couple of cool costumes, laughed with my coworkers, and taken some memorable photos. But I won’t lie—I still don’t like it. No matter how hard I try, there’s a feeling of uneasiness crawling under my skin the whole day. Sometimes, it makes me sad to think we never had the chance to be silly and adventurous for even one day a year as kids.

Now, every house in my neighborhood has giant spiders, pumpkins, witches, and whatnot on their lawns. Every year, families spend hundreds of dollars on costumes and candy. It’s a harmless, joyous celebration that I envy each time it comes around.

And now, as I sit here writing this, I have to think about where I put the costume I bought a couple of years ago so I can prepare it for tomorrow at my new workplace. I know we’ll all have a good laugh, and it’ll be a fun bonding activity. But let me tell you: I still do not like Halloween!